C. E. Chambers

Mr. Seatmate is not a plot spoiler like C.E. Chambers.  Moviegoers can make it to the theater on time if they read his film reviews instead of hers.

MR. SEATMATE’S “CAPSULATED CAPSULES”

THE MIGHTY MACS  (posted October 20, 2011)

Based on a true story.  Reminded me of The Mighty Ducks; substitute basketball players for the hockey players.  A good family-style movie that will give hope to girls-ladies-women who can do anything if they have the drive and the heart and are willing to work as a team.  Good acting  (Burstyn’s part was too small).  Weird lighting at the end.  What happened to the nun (the assistant coach) who was thinking about not taking her final vows?

THE BIG YEAR (posted October 20, 2011)

A good family film.  Very realistic (about extreme birdwatchers); good character development (4 out of 5); good directing (4 out of 5). Decent cinematography.  The best bird photographs were during the end credits.  Angelica Houston had the best part.  Owen Wilson sleepwalked through his part.  The winner was the loser and the losers were the winners.   Major complaint: the birdwatchers in the Aleutian Islands were dressed for the Pacific Northwest.  Bimbo brunette with seagulls.  Not an action flick.  Aarrgghh.

REAL STEEL  (posted October 9, 2011)

Incredibly good movie.  The robotics were very well-done.  Good acting and good directing.  Good cinematography.  The movie flowed and was action-packed without guns.  The kid [Dakota Goyo] was remarkably good, very talented.  No movie is complete without a redneck nowadays.   There was a dumb blonde, too [C.E.C.: her part lasted about 15  seconds].  Chambers asked why I thought she was dumb when she never said anything.  I think I’m in trouble.

MONEYBALL  (posted October 9, 2011)

Brad Pitt did a good job as the gen’l manager from the Oakland A’s but I went into withdrawals without CGI.  The negotiations were very realistic.  A lot of dialogue.  It reminded me of something I’d like to forget:  I took a team to a championship game in Iran [circa 1977] and we lost it all in one inning when we’d been ahead 12 – 0.   We didn’t party afterwards like the dudes in this movie.  That was not realistic.  And the footage of the baseball stadiums sucked.

KILLER ELITE  (posted October 1, 2011)

I thought it was entertaining until I started thinking about it.  That’s what Chambers makes me do.  [C.E.C.: I've created a monster.]  Elite killers don’t live in dumps.  An assassin is an assassin is an assassin but they don’t trust anyone.  Who are the good guys?  Using pistols makes sense.  Re-train time: the elite killers are bad shots.   The remote control of an oil tanker truck?  Criminal editing.  The Sheikh looked like he was wearing a rubber mask.  There’s an Australian redneck.  Almost enough blood & guts to make me think I got my money’s worth.  Round-file it.

THE LION KING 3D  (posted September 23, 2011)

A good, classic Disney movie improved by a little 3D.  Notice I said a little.  More depth of field.  Too bad the digital technocrats didn’t perfect the dimensions of Simba’s body.  It’s a good thing they’re animated characters instead of real live actors and didn’t have a director to screw things up.  Next time the Lion King is improved, rednecks will probably show up with Winchesters to shoot at Simba from the windows of a smokin’ hot  F-450.

STRAW DOGS  (posted Sept. 17, 2011)

A very sick movie.  No redeeming features whatsoever.  Keep it the h*ll away from my kids.  Not all men enjoy watching a woman be raped.  So who made this movie?  Psychotic violence.  We need entertainment, not sneaky politics.  If this is the kind of crap I have to watch to be a film critic…see ‘ya. [C.E.C. Sept. 18: Mr. Seatmate's last comment means that he may refuse to critique some films with "R" ratings.]

COLOMBIANA (posted Sept. 17, 2011)

A young girl performing stunts like James Bond.  Right.  Lots of unexplained assassins.  Lots of loopholes (the computer chip for example). Violence without the blood.  Lead actress is an assassin.  Her boyfriend brings out her sensitive side.   A small part.  Lead actress did a good job.  Decent enough entertainment.  I rate it “C.”  [C.E.C.  He's exhausted after this long critique.  If you don't understand this aside, keep reading.]

THE SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD  (posted Sept. 9, 2011)

Bad directing.  Bad acting.  Bad wardrobes.  Bad spy gadgets.  The barf bags that kept cloning really bugged me.  Re-release the first two films and we’ll all be happy.

APOLLO 18  (posted Sept. 9, 2011)

Boring.  Not realistic.  Premise was proven wrong.  Space craft from that time period didn’t look like that.  Terrible dialogue.  Thumbs down on the whole movie.  [C.E.C. here:  He's still fuming.  Mr. Seatmate and I disagree on the merits of this film.] 

CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011)  (posted Sept. 9, 2011)

Good directing.  Good actors — but tough for Momoa to live up to Schwarzenegger.  Bloody.  Realistic sword fights.  The director threw everything but the kitchen sink into this movie.  I liked it.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER  (posted Sept. 9, 2011)

Reminded me of my youth when I read comic books.  The world needs heroes.  The acting was good.  The directing was good for the most part.  Captain America’s costume was a little lame.   I recommend the movie.

COWBOYS AND ALIENS  (posted Sept. 9, 2011)

Premise was good.  A movie about honor.  I love horses.  But the lead actress’s big scene (kaboom!) was not logical.  Everything including the acting was reasonably good except for what’s-her-name (see last sentence).  I was surprised there wasn’t a blonde bimbo.  [C.E.C.: The bimbo was brunette.]  Disturbing politically.

TRANSFORMERS: DARK SIDE OF THE MOON  (posted Sept. 9, 2011)

Lame characters.  Mismatched actors.  The kissing scene was [redacted].  Running in high heels?!  give me a break.  Pyrotechnics were good.  Robots were good.  A bimbo allowed into a secured area?????!!!!!!  [C.E.C.: He got his blonde bimbo.]